yesterday morning i went back to surgery with a nine year old hasidic boy whose two curls fell well below his shoulders. he smiled at me while his mom sowed buttons on his shirt. when my doctor came to pick me up his mom wished me good luck and i said the same to her. a four year old hispanic boy and his mom also rode the elevator with us. he got to wear pj’s that were printed with red trains. i told him i liked his pajamas and that i wished i had some too but he just grinned and hid behind his mother’s leg. it made me happy that i was traveling to surgery with two children. less anxious. if they could do it, than i could too, sort of thing.

well friends i did it. and i am home recovering with the help of a heating pad, tylenol, breaking bad and curtis. my side effects from the laparoscopy are pain in the shoulders and rib cage because of the gas they used to inflate my stomach (it has to settle somewhere!) and just generally being sleepy and uncomfortable. this surgery was sort of the missing piece of the puzzle in our quest for infertility answers and i am happy to say that it went really well.

meaning, after years of tests and unanswered questions, dr. david was able to remove many polyps from my right fallopian tube that we did not know was there. the polyps could have been acting like IUD’s, preventing an inseminated egg from implanting properly. 

now, we still have no idea if we can get pregnant on our own. but we are marching on. doing the work and hoping for answered prayers. while riding the 6 train with curtis to mt. sinai hospital i prayed that this would be the last surgery needed for either one of us. i prayed for the doctors and later for the two boys i rode the elevator with. i prayed for curtis and for the lord’s timing and mercy. at 3:15 this morning, after waking up in pain and uncomfortable, i prayed for my friend who is looking for a place to belong and my other friend who is grieving a loss. i prayed for my family and friends by name hoping i would fall back to sleep. when that did not work i finally fell asleep watching the office on netflix. thank god for netflix and for the office.

yep, we are still in it and more hopeful than ever. not necessarily that we will get pregnant but that we will live fully in whatever he has for us, knowing that it is good, holy and beautiful.

well, i must be getting back to my heating pad and hopefully a long nap. loves.