maryemilyblogs
hello loves!
DAY TWELVE:
“hold out your hand.”
he held it out-it was good as new!
i wonder if every time he used his hand or even just looked at his hand, if he thought of Jesus and the day he was given a “do over”. i wonder if he thought of you? i wonder what it would be like to have a dead, useless body part and then BAM! it works. good as new. father, is this what my heart is like? my body? my life? i wonder if he ever used that hand for stealing or violence. or degrading. either himself or someone else. i wonder, as time wore on, if he ever found himself forgetting. forgetting what he used to be like. forgetting you. i doubt it. i am sure he never forgot. you are more about my entire body - heart, soul, mind - my life.
but my body is not perfect.
part seven
WHITNEY*
o1. chocolate
o2. orchids
o3. antiques
o4. my children
o5. cooking
o6. spirituality
o7. my partner
o8. GOOD music
o9. baths
1o. cats
just to name a few…
perfect timing.
a friend emailed curtis & i this quote right when we needed it most.
“…those who perceive in themselves this kind of divine spark which is the artistic vocation -as poet, writer, sculptor, architect, musician, actor and so on-feel at the same time the obligation not to waste this talent but to develop it, in order to put it at the service of their neighbor and of humanity as a whole…”
pope john paul II, letter to artists
thanks jL.
“
rye whiskey, rye whiskey, rye whiskey, i crave, if i don’t get rye whiskey, i’ll go to my grave.
rye whiskey, rye whiskey, rye whiskey, i cry, if i don’t get rye whiskey i surely will die.
i’ll eat when i’m hungry, i’ll drink when i’m dry, if whiskey don’t kill me i’ll live til i die.
i’ll drink my corn whiskey and rye whiskey too, and the ones that don’t like me can leave me alone.
”—oklahoman, woody guthrie
give a testimony
this night, three years ago i walked into my first ever bikram yoga class and my life changed forever.
i came decked out in sweats and a 1oo% cotten t-shirt thinking i was about to enjoy 45 minuets of nice, gentle stretching. well…
i walked out, 9o minuets later looking like i had just jumped in a pool! curtis was going to pick me up right after class to go have dinner with some students in boulder and i did not have a change of clothes but i didn’t care. i sat in the car, stinking of sweat, with a huge smile on my face. it was like my body had awaken. it had been called to life by the heat and sweat. by the call to struggle and breathe.
i could not wait to go back.
what brought me into the studio that night three years ago was not because i wanted to become a more centered person. it was not because i wanted to loose weight. and it was not because i wanted to get a “good work out in”. no i was there because i was sick. and up to that point my only real option was to start taking a steroid everyday, maybe for the rest of my life. all my life i have had stomach problems. over the last 1o years i have been diagnosed with crohn’s disease, ibs, and micro-colitis. i have had two colonoscopies and two endoscopies. i was sick and frustrated and was really hoping for another way. so my doctor at the time said that if i drastically changed my diet and my lifestyle i could possibly avoid a lifetime of harsh drugs.
so for about two months i did not eat any meat, dairy, sugar or caffeine. i basically lived on fruit and veggies, bananas and natural peanut butter and organic soups.
and yoga. lots and lots of yoga. sometimes six days a week. and it was wonderful.
i knew for the first time in a long time what it was like to be healthy. to not feel sick and tired all the time! the sweat helped me detoxify and get rid of things my body had been hanging onto for years. bikram yoga is based on the method of compression and release. you compress your muscles in different poses (26 different poses) for about a minuet at a time and then when you release all this wonderful, fresh blood rushes in and heals and restores.
and guess what? over the last three years i have had only three small flair ups! three! that’s pretty amazing considering for the past 1o years i would have about one to two days a week that i actually felt good and did not have a stomach ache.
it’s amazing. and a real blessing. besides the health of my stomach improving, here are a few more benefits i have experienced from my yoga practice:
a change in lifestyle. yoga has encouraged me to eat well.
yoga has taught me discipline. that it is possible for someone like me to find real joy in doing something everyday.
my stress level went way down. stress can be a huge factor in good health and yoga has been one of the things God has used in my life to help me de-stress.
the day i started yoga i also gave up caffeine and carbonated beverages. carbonation breaks down the lining of your stomach i was killing mine with all the diet coke!
i have learned to be more patient and forgiving of myself and with others.
i have about 1o more but this post is long enough so you get the idea…
ANYWAY, i am thankful for yoga. i am thankful that i walked into that studio three years ago and that God has provided ways for me to practice every week since. i am thankful for curtis who has encouraged me to go, even on days when i don’t feel like it. i am thankful for all the teachers i have had who have pushed me and brought out the best in me. i am thankful for the community full of kind and great people.
so thank you thank you God for yoga. you are at work in all things and i know that my practice brings honor to you.
that’s my testimony.
namaste.
check. check. check.
we had a full weekend.
it was full of mostly tears and mexican food but it was necessary and healing.
this was our first “normal” weekend we have had since september and i had high hopes.
fun dinner with friends in boulder - check.
sleeping in - check.
beautiful weather - check.
8o’s yoga - check.
watching a movie that at first did not scare me but when we turned out the lights to go to sleep i was TOTALLY scared and had to sleep with the light on - check.
a fun afternoon with friends watching the broncos get killed - check.
lots of crying after realizing that i am loosing my ability to trust God with my life and hopes and dreams - check.
more crying because marriage is hard and wonderful all at the same time - check.
eating the best homemade enchiladas i have ever had (thanks curtis) - check.
learning to be ok with the fact that God and i struggle and scream. i struggle and scream - check.
growing. loving. farting. crying. forgiven. - check.
check. check. check.
“i am naysayer’s bratty little sister.”
—eb
“active,
already taken,
assiduous,
at it,
buried,
diligent,
employed,
engaged,
engrossed,
having a full plate,
having enough on one’s plate,
having fish to fry,
having many irons in the fire,
hustling,
in a meeting,
in conference,
in someone else’s possession,
in the field,
in the laboratory,
industrious,
occupied,
on assignment,
on duty,
on the go,
overloaded,
persevering,
slaving,
snowed,
swamped,
tied up,
unavailable,
up to one’s ears,
with a customer,
working”
—other words for “busy”
introducing…
VIOLET*
my mom took me to the largest craft fair in oklahoma over the weekend and i bought this beautiful doll! the doll maker we so proud of her and she does amazing work. so creative and so fun!
it’s a totally weird purchase but to me she is a work of art. i love her hand painted eyes and black lips. you can’t tell from the picture but her dress has buttons on it made of bones and she has the coolest scull key tied around her wrist. she is just in time for halloween, my second favorite holiday. but i will not be packing her up after the 31st has come and gone… oh no she will have a permanent place in our home. it’s like buying a painting or a sculpture.
anyway, i thought the picture in front of the fire was hilarious! sort of adds to her wonderful creepiness. my friend sarah did not like her at all! she was afraid she was going to wake up at night and start running around my room! so funny.
i am so thankful i did not grow up fearing halloween. it was always a fun thing in my home! candy, dressing up and who does not love a good scare now and then?
anyway, i hope you all have a fabulous all hallows eve and that you too will find art and beauty in strange and unexpected places!
being busy
one thing that sort of drives me crazy is when you ask someone how they are doing and they answer “busy”. it’s sort of like saying that you are “good”. it is totally non-descriptive and does not really tell much. and i don’t totally believe people when they say that they are busy or good. there has to be more. right? i mean who is not busy these days? who does not have about 5o different things demanding time and energy? i actually hate it when i have to tell people that. but here’s the deal…
i am, we are really busy.
like piles of dirty laundry, like unpaid bills, like needs to take a shower because yesterday i was asked it if i had just washed my because it looked wet but it was just greasy kind of busy. you know the kind…
when people ask me how i am doing i really try not to say two things. can you guess?
busy or good.
i try to be more honest, more true but right now true for me is
busy.
so what am i doing spewing my random thoughts all over place when i have so much to do? well, i am just saying it. it’s ok to be busy. it’s ok just to be good.
now i better go get some shit done!
loves and happy tuesday*
